It's okay, Christopher Walken. You can be in my picture.
We’ve been married for three years. Date nights are high priority in our house particularly because the responsibility of raising three kids is a lot of weight for such a young marriage to sustain. Every marriage is unique. What stands us apart from most married couples our age is easily the fact that we have a full house so early into it. But every marriage has their defining characteristics; those things that makes romance come so easily and those things that serve as more of a challenge.
Raising three kids, we’ve found, is a lot of work, (Duh. Right?) but not just because kids are a lot of work; rather because it can often mean being separated even when we’re both under the same roof at the same time. I can’t tell you how frequently my husband and I end up saying, “You do this while I do that.” (You bathe the kids while I finish dinner. You handle Matthew in here while I fix the gutter outside.) At the end of the day it’s a must just so that we can make it in to bed together before one of us falls asleep. But if we aren’t careful, we end up doing it all weekend long and not having a minute to spend together ourselves.
Sometimes “being together” is reduced completely down to our weekend obligations. A niece’s birthday. A school event. A holiday dinner. Fun, sure (most of the time, anyway) but not exactly romance rekindling.
For the longest time, date nights had this stigma attached to them; this pressure to pack a punch that would get us through the next half-month or so before our romantic life could be rehashed again. It also came with the pressure to do things that were really fucking lame.
Back in the day we could have fun doing anything, but when you’re married with kids so much of what you do together is out of obligation that it makes you feel like what you do in any window of time you aren’t catering to kids, BETTER be worth it. Even if I’m fine with only having a mediocre time somewhere on a date, Spencer feels like he disappointed me for weeks (even though that is never the case!) and apologizes until he feels like he’s redeemed himself with a better one.
I’m extremely easy to please, but it doesn’t take long for dinner and drinks to get old, and because of our early schedules, late-night dates often mean we’re exhausted by the first drink and slightly irritable from the start. It got better when he told me he’d just rather I pick the places we go. At first I wasn’t sure I liked this idea, but I soon realized it works in my favor to appease him on this. It takes the pressure off of him which already sets a better mood because he isn’t stressing over every little thing that doesn’t go right, I get an easy route to something I want to do, and with the pressure off, he focuses a lot more attention on just relaxing with me and having a good time.
This spurred me to start looking into date-night ideas online for inspiration. You wouldn’t believe how disappointed I was to find a bunch of crap that we already do all the time. Not because they’re fun. Because we have to, BECAUSE THEY AREN’T DATES. Things like these:
Date night ideas that are really lame when you’re married:
(terrible ideas that have shown up multiple times on searches for date-night inspiration)
-go to the flea market!
-fly a kite at a park!
-clean out your storage room!
-cook something together!
-refine a piece of furniture!
-go to an open house, just for fun!
-play at a neighborhood park like a kid.
-Bring home a tray of fruit and take turns feeding each other.
-eat in bed.
-wash the car…
Seriously? Wash the car?
Okay, look, just because these things can be sweet when they happen on their own, does not mean that they qualify as a date. Is that seriously how lame marriage is expected to be? That making a date to refine a piece of furniture is the best way we can come up with to enjoy each other anymore? To be fair, some of these might actually be cute for a dating couple. It’s true, there is no bigger turn on than watching my husband get all dirty, fixing something around the house with his big, sweaty man-hands. Just like he thinks it’s super sexy when I’m all dolled up just to be housewife-y, so I get where these (ex: pick a day to fix things around the house, cook a meal together, etc.) are trying to go, but they would never cut it as date-night material. Anything you’ve done out of necessity before immediately loses any potential to be even remotely interesting when reserved for a date.
Then again, there are other ideas that might be great for some couples, but just don’t work for us -- partially because our interests aren’t identical, but mostly because we’re not fictional characters out of a made-for-TV romance. We actually have trace shreds of dignity. I’m sorry, I’m not asking my 30 year old husband to take me four leaf clover hunting at our nearest state park.
For instance, I like running and I like reading and he likes that I like those things, but he would never be into training for a marathon with me or reading a book I like and setting up a coffee shop date to talk about it. I’m not going to make him do things he obviously isn’t going to like and call that quality time. (It’s not just him either. I hate snow like most people hate old band-aids so everything from sledding to snowball fighting to skiing is out.) And seriously, enough with the Salsa Dancing! Salsa Dancing! Salsa Dancing! suggestions. I mean, sure… get a few drinks in us and we can get down with the best of them, (he’ll even humor me if I’m drunk and he’s not -- now THAT’S love) but I’ll spare both of us the humiliation of dragging him to a salsa dancing lesson we’ll both spend the entire time pretending I didn’t drag him to. And coupon books. Coupon books are cute for other people. I got some from a friend once it was the cutest thing ever. I thought it was absolutely adorable and totally fun. My daughter made me some when she was eight and I’ll keep them forever. But this is not a date-night idea. Please, stop calling it one.
So I’ve made my own list. A bucket-list of date night ideas that I wouldn’t be totally embarrassed to ask him on and he wouldn’t be totally embarrassed to take me on. A collection we could draw from whenever we find ourselves with a day or a night (or even a few) to ourselves. I thought it’d be fun to share and see what other people come up with.
Some are big and would take some planning. Some are small and we could do them all the time if they wind up being really fun. In fact, a bunch of them we already do. Some of them aren’t even available in our area, but might be worth planning as part of a road trip. Some are things we usually write off as something only to do with the kids, but end up being fun when taken out of their usual context. Some of them will probably wind up feeling totally awkward or forced or lame anyway, but they’d be cool to say that we tried and laugh about later. (Once, we went to this awful 70’s nightclub with women in bikinis and rollerblades dancing through hoola-hoops to Madonna. It was the worst thing ever, but we’ll probably be laughing about it at each other’s funeral wakes.) Take the good with the bad and roll with it. At least you aren’t repurposing furniture.
It's four a.m. and we are not looking our best, but you can bet we're having fun.
Cool Things Real People Might Actually Like Doing On A Date.
- go to a wine tasting
- find a drive-in movie
- get seriously dressed up and hit the casino
- take a road trip to visit someone
- rock climbing
- take a class together -- it’d be cool to find something you’re both willing to give a shot
(I won’t judge you if it’s Salsa Dancing. But seriously, a lot of local colleges have one night classes. And I’m joking about not judging you.)
- ice skating
- camping
- skinny dipping - (Sorry. This one’s protocol.)
- nighttime picnic
- go on a dinner cruise
- park somewhere cool with a laptop and have your own drive-in movie
- see a play
- go to a carnival without the kids (or the zoo, aquarium, fair or museum; pick out something for each of them at the gift shop. I love picking up gifts for our kids when they aren’t around.. We get so sentimental.)
- get drunk on a plane -- this one isn’t really a date, it just sounds cool. I want to do it!
- see the ball drop in Times Square
- go to a shooting range
- fishing in a new spot
- have a game night with friends
- rent something cool like a four-wheeler or a wave runner
- mini-golfing
- regular golfing, for that matter
- bowling
- Restaurant hop - 3 stops in one night: appetizer/drinks, dinner and dessert
- hiking
- go to an art show (there’s usually free wine!)
- stay at a bed and breakfast, hunker down with some junk food and have an up all night TV show marathon
- go to a psychic reading, just for fun
- volunteer somewhere together (Sounds corny for a “date,” but I could see this being a cool experience. Especially Habitat for Humanity or something.)
- see a comedian
- bet on a horse at the tracks
- take a trapeze class
- disc golf is seriously fun
- go to a chocolate tasting
- take a helicopter ride
- go horseback riding
- do karaoke night at a bar
- Cook live lobsters at home (Okay, I don’t know if I could go through with this, but duh! that’s what a memorable experience is all about. Apparently, livelob.com has a cooking guide.)
- ride a ferry someplace cool (The next time we go to Atlantic City Spencer suggested taking the long way around to park the car on a ferry back home. I think that’s such a cool touch.)
- paintball
- go to a pool hall (and play the darts! No one ever plays the darts…)
- set off our own fireworks
- go to a rodeo show
- swing dancing
This was actually really fun to sit and think up. What would you add??
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11 comments:
I know we're not married yet but date night ideas are so hard to come up with for Joey and I! I love the restaurant hop idea, we've done that before and it's so much fun! You get to prolong the evening, have all kinds of different foods, and you are so much more relaxed! We also like to just go to the flea market lol, not as a date per say. Since we're not married and have no children I guess we don't "go on dates" because every time we go somewhere it could be considered a date. But, the flea market/cowtown is flippin awesome to do for a day-date, even if it's just for people watching!
Hahaha, I would totally like to clean out the storage room as a date! *barf*
I love our road trips we go on back home because we can talk the whole way there about random shit, or just sit quietly, but still be content. We have yet to skinny dip, but I plan on doing it sometime when we get a chance and have a pool or lake or ocean with out people to try this.
I'm still trying to figure out what best date night ideas we can come up with since he's now home for a couple years with no deployments, so we're learning about each other all over again. I mean, we play video games together, but that gets kinda old and I like to go out. We went swing dancing ( and we didn't know how to swing dance for shit haha) and had a blast. I'll pick museums when they have free military days and those are fun, especially when they're sciencey and stuff haha. But I'm like you, I'm not gonna drag my Hub to places I know he's not going to like and I also would like to have fun with him with out him moping about how bored he is. It's fun when we stumble upon random places because those are the most fun. Thanks for some of these ideas, it shows that my marriage is semi-normal haha and we're in similar situations.
TTFN
Lexy♥
Haha, people watching actually came up a few times too!
That’s what I mean… that’s stuff that can be fun when they happen on their own -- like, we need to go get something from the flea market, so we go and we end up people watching and then maybe washing the car when we get home, cleaning up the backyard, planting some flowers, and then cooking dinner together. But that’s just a normal day with kids all mixed into it, making it more difficult but also more fun. I love our every-day because it has all of that stuff, (kids included) and that stuff is fun. But when you only have sometimes once a month to do something different together, you don’t want to go flying kites together when you already do that all the time with your kids -- and you’d enjoy it way more if they were with you.
And when it comes to the kids stuff, (like playing at a park or flying kites) I remember doing stuff like that with ex boyfriends and thinking the whole time that I couldn’t wait to do this stuff “for real” with kids of my own someday. Having kids to do that stuff with is what puts all of the magic into the experience for us.
It’s funny, cause if you look at date ideas for dating couples (which I thought would be a little more inspired), it’s all stuff that you can do to pretend that you’re married (go to an open house together, ask him over to fix something at your apt., cook breakfast together, draw up plans for your dream home, go grocery shopping…). I know that if we got rid of the kids just to have a day-in like that or go swinging on swings at a park or flying kites, we’d both spend the whole time wishing they were with us. It’s not like I want to ditch our regular life… the whole point is just to have one night to do something special we can’t do with them around.
Restaurant hopping is fun. We always say the only thing that sucks about going out to eat is that it’s all over so quick. Finding a different place to go switches it up and gives you time to actually want the next part of the meal. And I love the swing dancing idea!! I’ve always thought that would be so freaking cool to try! I wonder where you could do that around here… I’m seriously looking into that today!
Ideas for date night (that apply to those raising children along with pre-children and empty nesters.) I am in the last category, so consider myself a bit of an expert :)
Pick up your local paper. Ours has the '55 hours' insert that offers great ideas from art displays to beach concerts.
My husband and I met at a country bar and we still enjoy the occasional romp across the dance floor. It also got us through a multitude of marital/child rearing issues when we were knee deep in raising kids.
A suggestion here: Expand your horizons, be willing to leave your comfort zone...but don't waste time on something you know you or your spouse has no desire to do. My husband would not know one end of a fishing pole from the other. As matter of fact, the idea of being too near any endless body of water has utterly no appeal to him. If your spouse cringes at the idea of fishing/sports/dancing, don't give them up. Save them for girlfriend dates and focus on enjoyable possibilities with your spouse.
My husband and I are both extremely politically oriented. (Thankfully for our marriage, we are like minded in our leanings.) We were asked and agreed to volunteer time to the presidential campaign. We are excited! Political rallies with like minded people! Working for a cause you both believe in...to us that is the ultimate in quality time together. And yessss, it's a date! You do not have to be alone in a candle lit room to be on a date.)
We also enjoy flea markets/garage sales/antique stores. I personally believe this is more fun for the pre-children/empty nest gang, but if you both like it...go for it.
If you want to do a park, zoo, etc. , do yourself a favor and borrow nieces, nephews or grandchildren. It will be a TON more fun and you will be eternally grateful when you return them to their rightful owners, to once again be child free! One of my favorite dates was the 4th of July, we picked up my son's children and took them on Kalmar Nyckel. A good time was had by all and to this day they remember the big ship. This summer, we look forward to taking Matthew 4 and Calista 7.
Do DC with and withOUT your children. DC is hot, crowded, not easily maneuvered but a good couples thing to do.
Don't go without the things you thrive on, even if your partner is lukewarm to the idea. My husband is an avid reader and researcher of Christianity. I am not as excited by it. We search out books for him together, though. It's always a fun trip and he loves the reading material we bring home. I, on the other hand, LOVE NYC. He thinks it is big and overcrowded. I go with my cousin and he loves hearing about my adventures on carriages through Central Park and my experiences on the subway when I get home.
Enjoy your love, enjoy your life!!
Getting drunk on a plane is not as fun as it sounds, believe me!
Aww, crush my dreams Anonymous! lol
LOL Anon... I know ppl who won't get on unless they're drunk!
These are great date ideas! Dates don't have to be always dinner outs but must be fun as well. Great post you got here. Thanks for the information that you've shared with your readers. :)
These are great suggestions! I agree with you some of the "date" ideas on people's lists are crazy. Cleaning out the storage room? That's a good way for my hubs and I to get into an argument. Not very date worthy or fun.
We end up doing day time dates while the kids are in school which can be pretty low pressure and fun. Hiking, lunch out, bike riding and coffee, that sort of thing.
So cute. You are right, the lists on the internet are lame. We have 3 super young kids (4,2,1) and dating is just plain hard... we don't live near family and finding a sitter that you trust when you move every year is tough. This has inspired me to be a little proactive about the whole thing. If I were to nurture my marriage as well/much as I do the babies then it's bound to be a strong one.
Thanks :)
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